Flood Waters Rising

I picked a day of all days to start writing a blog.  The truth is I sat down to write, hoping for some relief.  And in the hopes of finding said relief, I am going to be transparent. 

I messed up yesterday. 

I wasn't paying attention and allowed a conversation to take place that put a member of our ministry team in the cross-hairs for criticism.  It was unintentional, but as pastor, that one is on me.  And I regret it deeply.  So I spent the night at odds with myself, even my wife.  And I woke up this morning after what was only a few minutes of sleep to the news that my grandmother has terminal cancer that has invaded her entire body.  Really?

The man in me feels like I am being a baby.  He tells me it'll be fine and to move on.   The pastor and husband in me knows I messed up.  He feels like the world is coming to an end.  And now I am worried about my family.  My mom has battled cancer for nearly 3 years and is still fighting.  Now her mom will not have much of a fighting chance against the same disease.  The son and grandson in me just wants to go home. 

I am on empty.

So this morning, I put my head down and I pray for help to be strong in the Lord and the power of His might (Ephesians 6:10).  I know the same afflictions I experience, my brothers and sisters experience too.  I know I am not alone, so I beg for mercy from Him who is long suffering toward us and whose tender mercies will not fail (Psalm 25:6). 

There is no simple fix for this one.  No magic pill.  The flood waters are rising.  The fire is kindled.  So I choose to trust His promise to me, for my kin and my faith family.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." (Isaiah 43:2 - 3)